In Everything

These past few weeks, it seems every time I'm praying, several thoughts bombard my awareness.  Some of them are distractions, but others are things Abba wants to talk about.  Remembering the first time He brought up a subject, brings a smile to my face.  I'd been walking in covenant for about five years, when one morning through prayer, I told Him I wanted to talk about what He wanted to talk about.  That particular morning, I was on my knees in prayer when a particular situation came to mind, and it involved money.  Immediately I asked forgiveness that my mind had wandered, and to all things . . . "money!"  I began, once again, to give thanks, when my mind again wandered to that same scenario that involved "money."

When I asked for forgiveness again, His voice was clear and firm.  He simply said, "You said you wanted to talk about what I want to talk about!"  With that, a new realization entered my awareness.  Beyond tithing and good stewardship, our Heavenly Father truly does want to guide our steps financially.  With our society having moved away from an agricultural base, we don't think so much about the other 90% of our income when it's cash.  In an agrarian society, there are constant reminders that Adonai controls it all.  Every bit of the provision is in His hands.

The soil is nourished by proper use according to His Instruction.  The seeds sprout by the life He has created within them.  The shoots reach for the sun, as the roots long for the rain.  As the plants grow to yield produce, that also is in the hand of our Creator.  The same principles apply to flocks and herds.  When living agriculturally, it is so much easier to see the hand of our Creator in every step.

Since most of our socio-economic base consists of nothing more than the perpetual motion of currency for service and products, we often don't consider Abba in every dollar that passes through our hands.  That morning, over 15 years ago, He was preparing me to receive some money.  Without His preparation in that matter I probably would not have handled the situation properly, or maybe I would, but I learned something so much bigger.  From that morning on, and this was through the 90s round of "prosperity teaching," I viewed money and material things from a completely different perspective.  This also began the preparation for my heart to return to the garden, an agrarian lifestyle.  It would be less than three months later, He would then lay the foundation for this work to which He has called me.

That single statement through morning prayer, telling Abba, I wanted to talk about what He wanted to talk about, took our relationship to a level I didn't even know existed.  He does want to talk with His people about so many things.  His plans truly are more than we can ask or imagine.

Interests and Entertainment

Watching television is a big theft of time, in my book.  I'm not saying it's wrong for everyone, but even people with televisions speak of how horrible the shows are.  That's not the point today, however.  In living without a television, Mr. B frequently gets reminiscent of old programming.  He used to want to discuss old movies on Shabbat and I did put the kibosh to that, but if it's not Shabbat, I'll listen.  The observation did have to be made though, that talking about old television shows seemed an even less productive way to spend time than watching television.  That's when it hit me!

Somehow in Mr. B's recollection of old television shows, I saw a pattern of introducing non-nuclear families very early in television programming, so I began analyzing.  I've stated for years that society seems to follow the pattern of television, or perhaps television programming is actually the indoctrination for the mindset of the next generation.  "Will and Grace" just isn't so funny anymore, is it?  As I listened last night about shows I never saw, like "Sky King" etc. I thought of my old favorite, and the analysis really began.

I wasn't so much into cartoons as a child, but I loved Gilligan's Island.  Before syndication, I was actually witness to the series being transformed from black and white to color!  I have a more meaningful point to make, however.  Seven people on a deserted island was my little escape when I wasn't reading.  The show first caught my attention, because just like the Wizard of Oz, one of the characters was from Kansas.  As an old Kansas girl, I could not wrap my mind around the concept that anyone would be trying to get back.  As I lost myself in this show weekly for thirty minutes, "uncharted isolated territory" was really rather appealing to me.  When the show went into syndication, it was absolutely wonderful.  I watched it afternoons before chores.  It truly was my escape through some very difficult times of my life.

So, as Mr. B discussed shows of the 50s, I thought of what our favorite shows really teach us, subliminally.  I thought of the political ramifications of the Skipper and Gilligan.  Skipper was definitely "old school" and political candidates still tend to come across as seeking to be captains on a ship that is great, but sinking.    More than one VP comes to mind when thinking of Bob Denver's inept character, Gilligan.

The girl from Kansas did all the "homespun stuff" for the castaways, like food preparation and cleaning.  Check . . . The professor spent his time divided between working on communication and sustainability.  Check . . . But I learned more than that.  In watching the movie star strut around the island in so many different dresses, the theme song would play in my head.  She sure brought a lot of clothes for a 3 hour trip.  Her character taught me how truly superficial and fleeting fame and vanity are.  Her life was now, no different than anyone else on the island, except she had no skills, was overdressed, and afraid she'd be forgotten by her fans.  Then there were the Howells.  Mrs. Howell was obviously just for show and Mr. Howell, with all his riches, was just as stranded as the rest of them.  His money couldn't buy his way off that island.  Although Skipper certainly took notice of the movie star, there was not even a hint of impropriety going on between any of them.  Survival and cooperation were the priorities.

I'm certainly not giving any spiritual significance to sitcoms, and yet, we are drawn to what interests us, even in our childhood and certainly at times of escaping.  I realize it was only a 30 minute show, but last night I realized how even our choice of entertainment reflects our interests.  To what is the next generation being directed, for their interests and entertainment?

Just Right

Life on the homestead is changing a bit.  It certainly appears to be for the better.  A few weeks ago, I mentioned investing in more off grid power.  With that plan came a cost.  A "power house" would be needed for the battery bank.  It only made good sense to have it near the house and near the power pole, until we get the full battery bank accumulated.  The option to switch on and off grid seems right for now.  So, the obvious solution meant I would have to give up my milking parlor for this project.  My milking parlor is pretty special.  I had it built to specs and even received the bonus of a custom paint job at no additional charge, since I was also ordering a chicken house as well.  I can operate a hammer and nails, for small jobs and repairs, but when it comes to actual buildings, I prefer to contract a carpenter.  So, in moving forward in this power project, the milking parlor would become the powerhouse.

That meant a new building and I'm still no better at carpentry now, than I was six years ago.  I prayed about it and saw two buildings in a dream or vision.  One was just like the milking parlor only the paint was reversed.  The building was dark green with white trim.  The other building was smaller, and lighter green with a green shingled roof.  I didn't notice whether the trim was the same color or not.  When I got up I could still clearly see those two buildings and considered my need, as well as placement.  In full confession, I wanted a smaller building because my milking parlor that was going to be exclusively mine, ended up shared . . . The other consideration pertained to the location and I didn't want a large building blocking the view from my office window.  I do not make investments lightly and I knew this would involve a considerable cost, as well as being fairly permanent in location.

The next trip to town involved going by the place I'd bought the milk parlor.  The very first building on the lot was exactly like the milking parlor, only reversed colors, BUT no windows and a rather large price tag!   Adding windows is my "speed" of carpentry, but the price was discouraging.  I went by a couple of other places with buildings on their lots, but just didn't see anything else like what Abba had shown me.  Trying to get home before it rained, I finished up town business and headed toward home.  Less than six miles from home, on the side of the highway, sat a little light green building with a phone number on it.  I hadn't noticed that building on the way to town . . .

Later that evening after chores, I called the number, the gentleman quoted me a price I could hardly believe.  I then asked if that price would include delivery.   These builders usually do deliver, but it's frequently an added fee.  When I told him my location, he said he'd do it for the price he quoted.  The deal was made at that moment.  He said the forecasted rain might be a problem, but he'd get it here as soon as he could.  The next morning, which was Tuesday, it was raining.  Before noon Wednesday, my new little building the future milking parlor was in place, leveled and paid for.  A 6' X 8' building, 16" centers, 4' double door, all for a fourth of the price of the other building!  Abba gave me a choice, and there was no need to rush.  He worked it out "just right."  

Counting the Costs

To a certain extent, life is an equation and balance is the goal.  I'm not talking about salvation, here, as there is no way in the world any of us could balance out the price that was paid for us.  I'm speaking of the practical application of navigating through this imperfect world without compromising our values.  Coming to grips with an exchange, if you will, to reach the goal in Abba's Plan for our life.  I really hadn't considered the emotional cost of spiritual service to Him in this call He has placed upon my life.  We all speak of being willing to die for Messiah, so apparently we've counted the physical costs, but what about the cost on an everyday basis, that of dying to self, while still being physically alive.

The main cost that I continue to stumble over is the rejection.  I'm handling it better, but I still don't like rejection.  Rejection hurts my feelings.  As a homesteading, obedient believer I've been called some horrific things, been told off in no uncertain terms, cussed out, and been disinvited to more than one family gathering.  I've come to understand two things in this, well hopefully more than that, but two very distinct choices I make at these times.  One is, I truly do not want to do anything to be deserving of the treatment I've received, and two, I no longer falsely apologize to "keep the peace."  Sometimes silence and a good distance is peace!

My refusal to be manipulated and controlled by some has resulted in these folks with obvious control issues calling me controlling.  It seems closed minds and open mouths are often traits in the same body!  In having my mind healed, perhaps I'm a bit more sensitive to the emotional costs of following Messiah.  My intelligence is what it is, but having been made whole, mentally, the full emotional picture is not always so pretty.  There are days, I seriously have to keep my mouth shut and count the costs.  I'd like to think I'd face death for my faith.  I've said as much, as well as hearing many others speak the same, but this daily dying to self seems to revolve mostly around emotions, behavior, and the tongue.

In seeking Abba, I am gaining wisdom as I count the costs.  Much of the rejection comes from people I truly would not be able to maintain a pleasant long term relationship with, anyway.  I watch their lifestyle and demands and realize their rejection of me made it much easier on me, but their rejection of truth truly makes my heart sad.  I don't want anyone to reject Messiah and I certainly do not want to be a poor example of what it is to follow Him.  In counting the costs, the stakes are high, of eternal consequences.  Navigating through this world clearly requires self-control in exchange for "the last word."  I think of that list in Galatians 5, as I count the cost.  The works of the flesh are so closely aligned with ego and "self-worth" and have no place in a life that produces the fruit of the Spirit.

For some, the costs may be materialistic, and for others, we can see by the headlines, the cost truly is their physical lives.  For now, here in America, the costs don't seem too far beyond emotional pain and some difficult employment choices, but we are still called to count those costs which amounts to dying to self.  Our Heavenly Father created us to have emotions, but He also gives us the power to starve and overcome the destructive emotions and the grace to feed the healthy ones.