Counting the Costs

To a certain extent, life is an equation and balance is the goal.  I'm not talking about salvation, here, as there is no way in the world any of us could balance out the price that was paid for us.  I'm speaking of the practical application of navigating through this imperfect world without compromising our values.  Coming to grips with an exchange, if you will, to reach the goal in Abba's Plan for our life.  I really hadn't considered the emotional cost of spiritual service to Him in this call He has placed upon my life.  We all speak of being willing to die for Messiah, so apparently we've counted the physical costs, but what about the cost on an everyday basis, that of dying to self, while still being physically alive.

The main cost that I continue to stumble over is the rejection.  I'm handling it better, but I still don't like rejection.  Rejection hurts my feelings.  As a homesteading, obedient believer I've been called some horrific things, been told off in no uncertain terms, cussed out, and been disinvited to more than one family gathering.  I've come to understand two things in this, well hopefully more than that, but two very distinct choices I make at these times.  One is, I truly do not want to do anything to be deserving of the treatment I've received, and two, I no longer falsely apologize to "keep the peace."  Sometimes silence and a good distance is peace!

My refusal to be manipulated and controlled by some has resulted in these folks with obvious control issues calling me controlling.  It seems closed minds and open mouths are often traits in the same body!  In having my mind healed, perhaps I'm a bit more sensitive to the emotional costs of following Messiah.  My intelligence is what it is, but having been made whole, mentally, the full emotional picture is not always so pretty.  There are days, I seriously have to keep my mouth shut and count the costs.  I'd like to think I'd face death for my faith.  I've said as much, as well as hearing many others speak the same, but this daily dying to self seems to revolve mostly around emotions, behavior, and the tongue.

In seeking Abba, I am gaining wisdom as I count the costs.  Much of the rejection comes from people I truly would not be able to maintain a pleasant long term relationship with, anyway.  I watch their lifestyle and demands and realize their rejection of me made it much easier on me, but their rejection of truth truly makes my heart sad.  I don't want anyone to reject Messiah and I certainly do not want to be a poor example of what it is to follow Him.  In counting the costs, the stakes are high, of eternal consequences.  Navigating through this world clearly requires self-control in exchange for "the last word."  I think of that list in Galatians 5, as I count the cost.  The works of the flesh are so closely aligned with ego and "self-worth" and have no place in a life that produces the fruit of the Spirit.

For some, the costs may be materialistic, and for others, we can see by the headlines, the cost truly is their physical lives.  For now, here in America, the costs don't seem too far beyond emotional pain and some difficult employment choices, but we are still called to count those costs which amounts to dying to self.  Our Heavenly Father created us to have emotions, but He also gives us the power to starve and overcome the destructive emotions and the grace to feed the healthy ones.